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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28261098">Save me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Angst, Breathplay, Choking, Conflict, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurts So Good, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, I didn't mean to..., I'm sorry Hongjoong..., Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Kim Hongjoong-centric, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, Nonsense, Not Beta Read, OT8, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Sorry Not Sorry, Sorry craving for some hurt and it was sitting on my folder for a quite long time, Subspace, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:14:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28261098</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't mind it at all.</p><p>He was good at it.<br/>It was the only thing, he was <strong>good</strong> at.</p><p>*<strong>Revised on 06/03/2021</strong></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jongho/Choi San/Jeong Yunho/Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa/Song Mingi, Choi Jongho/Kim Hongjoong, Choi San/Kim Hongjoong, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong, Jung Wooyoung/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong/Everyone, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi, OT8 - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He can feel their hands on his body, but slowly it goes up to his throat. Their hands tightened their hold over his throat, he can feel their hold tightened making him choke. He didn’t mind, a smile already etched on his lips.</p><p>Even though he already can see the effect of being choked, his sight goes blurry at the moment. His breath becomes short, making him struggle against their hold over him. He writhed under them, he can feel their stare at him.</p><p>He closed his eyes, as he struggled to inhale oxygen for his lungs. </p><p>The moment their hold over his throat loosened, he immediately uses the chance to inhale oxygen as much as he can. He felt light-headed, he tried to sit up, but he was pushed down by them.</p><p>He opened his eyes slightly, he was immediately greeted by a grin on their face. He closed his eyes and gave himself to them, he can’t do anything against them.</p><p>He was powerless to stop them.</p><p>All of his limbs feel quite heavy, he can’t even lift his hands to stop them. before he can pass out, all he can hear is their words to him.</p><p>“Ah, Hyung, tired already?”</p><p>From the tone, he already knows that they’re teasing him. He knows he can stop the act any moment now, all he needs to do is saying the safe word and they would stop in the middle of their acts.</p><p>But he didn’t want to do that.</p><p>He needs to do this, all for his members.</p><p>“Hyung, are you okay?”</p><p>He opened his eyes, a smile already etched on his lips. He can hear a hint of worry on their voice, but he didn’t want to stop the act now. He tried to assure them, but no voice came out from his mouth. He knew it would be bad, if they knew that he can’t say anything for now.</p><p>Instead, he nodded his head.</p><p>“Hyung, words please.”</p><p>He tried to say something, but his voice wouldn’t come out. He tried to keep his expression calm, as he knew that they would stop the act now, if he didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Hyung, your voice wouldn’t come out?”</p><p>He shakes his head rapidly at his question, he let out a silent curse, as he feels dizzy from all the movement he makes. He tried to tell them that he was okay, he’s fine. Perfectly fine.</p><p>“Alright then, we would stop here for the night.”</p><p>He immediately panicked at his words, his hands immediately reached the closest body near him, he held onto them tightly, when he heard them wince, he knew it would form a bruise from how tight he was holding onto them.</p><p>His mouth immediately mouthed the words that he wanted to say, but his voice wouldn’t come out, all that was coming out from his mouth is the sound of his own breathing. At this all of his members panicked, they didn’t know it would go to this extent.</p><p>“Hyung, we’re sorry!”</p><p>“Hongjoong, why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>“Hyung, did it hurt?”</p><p>“Hyung, hold on, I’ll get you a glass of water!”</p><p>He feels himself getting dizzy from all of his members' voices echoing in the room, he holds onto Jongho tightly, he doesn't want to let loose his grip on his youngest member. He was confused by all of his members' words, <em>why are they like this?</em></p><p>Unfortunately, he can’t say anything about it when his own voice wouldn’t even come out. but it didn’t stop him from pulling all of his members toward him, even though they were putting a confused expression at him, he knew they wouldn’t stop the act just because of this <em>right?</em></p><p>“Hyung, what are you doing?”</p><p>He halted all of his movement as he heard his youngest member's stern voice, his sight immediately darted towards Jongho’s direction. He wasn’t embarrassed by his own action, he continued to pull down Jongho to his direction.</p><p>His hands fumbling with Jongho’s pants but, before he can do anything, Jongho swatts his hands away, he holds back himself from crying at the exact moment, it hurts to have himself be denied by the only thing he’s good at.</p><p>“Hyung, stop it, you don’t need to do this, we can stop now.”</p><p>Jongho softly spoke at him as he held his hands and squeezed it softly.</p><p>Tears trailing down to his cheeks, he bites the inside of his mouth in an attempt to hold himself from shouting at the youngest. <em>How can they stop now? when it’s the only thing he was good at?</em></p><p>He shakes his head frantically as tears continue to flow as he closes his eyes, he wants to shout at him.</p><p>Not even realizing it, Seonghwa was already beside him and tried to comfort him, he tried to sooth him down as he ran his hands down at Hongjoong’s hair gently. Mingi hesitantly wiped the tears from his leader’s face gently as not to hurt him.</p><p>Seonghwa smiled at Mingi’s action, nodded at him as an approval.</p><p>Hongjoong closed his eyes, he can feel the sensation of his tears being wiped away, he slapped away the hand, he shoved Seonghwa from his side. He opened his eyes widely, he wanted to scream at them, cursing them.</p><p>If he can voice out his thoughts, he already knew what he would utter at them, probably hurtful words that he would hurl at them.</p><p>“Hyung, it’s fine, you are fine, we’re here.”</p><p>Muttered Jongho as he crouched down next to him cradling him close to him. Hongjoong shakes his head frantically, he didn’t feel the need to be coddled, he pushed the youngest away from him as he wrapped his own arms around his body while shaking.</p><p>He wanted to <em><strong>scream</strong></em> at them.</p><p>Hongjoong did exactly just like he wanted to, he screamed at them, at their touches, at each stretched arm towards him.</p><p>He screamed, producing choked sounds from his throat. Tears didn’t stop streaming down his face as he slapped away their comforting hands and touches, he didn’t need any of it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung…”</p><p> </p><p>Seonghwa shakes his head at their groupmates, he shakes his head as they try to reach out to Hongjoong. He knew that Hongjoong was already too far deep in his mind, they were useless in any way to help their leader.</p><p>All they can do is to wait for Hongjoong to calm down by himself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, because there's someone that want me to continue this oneshot, I'll continue it just like you wanted me to.<br/>I hoped it goes up to your expectation.<br/>Not beta'ed.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, all of their efforts were in vain. All they could do was to see how their leader became a mess under his own mind. They want to approach him, but if they do that, Hongjoong only will retreat more deeper into his own mind, back to his own bad memories.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They saw how he screamed at their touches, Yeosang flinched at the high-pitched scream that was directed to him, he only touched the leader slightly, he was trying to calm the older down. It only went down the drain as he saw how Hongjoong reacted to his touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their usually strong leader were on his knees, his hands grasping onto the carpet as he let out a sob, they could see tears were dripping down from their beautiful leader’s face. He was gasping out as he tried to take a deep breather, it was no use, he was so deep in his panic that he can’t even breathe properly like a normal human.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hongjoong, calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seonghwa tells him calmly, even from the side they can see how their oldest were struggling to keep himself calm. He was clenching his hands harshly, all he could see was red, he wanted to know who’s the one that responsible to make Hongjoong like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to beat up the responsible person, but he decided to put the thought away for later. He needs to calm their strong leader now, he needs to take care of him </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hongjoong were still on the floor gripping tightly onto the carpet as he sobbed, tears streamed down uncontrollably. He choked out sobs, he was on the verge of panic attack, he let out a ragged breath as one of his hands were placed on his chest as he let out a choked sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ple—Please sto—stop, don’t touch me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He babbled as tears nonstop streamed down his face, his entire body shakes uncontrollably as he covered himself and hid himself in the corner, while holding his hands and knees close to his chest. He didn’t even notice that San was already near him, he was too focused on his own fears and panic that attacked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>San carefully pulled Hongjoong closer to him as he tried to hold him gently, he let Hongjoong leaned on his chest, he evened out his breath and made Hongjoong follows his breath pattern. Slowly Hongjoong followed his breath pattern, as he breath out Hongjoong unconsciously fell asleep in San’s embrace, his head leaned on San’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are traces of tears on Hongjoong’s face, it was a pitiful look, they can’t even look at him without getting enraged. He was their leader, their strong leader, their pillar in this group. Yeosang let out a choked sob, he covered his mouth to muffle his own voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head and hands were shaking with rage, he swore to find the person that was responsible for their leader’s current condition. He turned his head as he saw Wooyoung shake his head at him, even though he also can see something underlying in his eyes. He was clenching his fist as he put his other hand on his shoulder, he saw how Wooyoung gritted his teeth as he tried to hold back his anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>San bit his lips as he gently wiped the leftover tears under Hongjoong’s eyes, he almost let out a frustrated shout, he wanted to ask Hongjoong, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why did he hide this from them?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>More importantly, why didn't they notice anything different with their leader?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“San,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was snapped out of his deep thoughts by Yunho’s voice calling his name, he lifted his head to be met by Yunho’s worried expression, he put his hand on San’s shoulder as he shook his head gently. He was looking at San like he can read the thoughts that were on San’s head, San wrinkled his forehead as he can’t understand why Yunho gave him a look like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop thinking about it, I know what you were thinking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yunho muttered out as he gently picked up Hongjoong from San’s grasp, San almost let out a protest when he heard Yunho’s words, but he refrained to do so, he was afraid that Hongjoong would wake up from his slumber. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>San hung his head low, he let Yunho’s words seeping into his mind. He knew they can’t do anything about it, they can’t just carelessly call the police nor tell their agency about the matter about Hongjoong. It would be bad for their rep as an idol group---He clenched his fist as the thought hit him—but, he wanted to capture the responsible person for Hongjoong’s trauma.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yunho sighed, “San, stop thinking about it, I know you were enraged about it, but, please calm down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around making direct eye contact with San’s eyes, then he focused back on Hongjoong as he moved away Hongjoong’s bangs from his eyes. Seonghwa, Mingi and Jongho exit the room and come back into the room with a towel and small bucket filled with water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yunho back away from Hongjoong, letting Wooyoung and Yeosang clean up Hongjoong carefully. Gently they wiped up Hongjoong’s body with the wet towel while  Yeosang dried him, in the meanwhile Seonghwa rummaged in their drawer, searching for comfortable clothes for Hongjoong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>San and Yunho nodded at each other as they pulled out a mattress for all of them, they knew that they wouldn’t leave Hongjoong in their shared room. Seonghwa nodded in agreement that they stayed the night in his shared room with Hongjoong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mingi single-handedly put on Hongjoong with the clothes that Seonghwa pulled out, he tried to be as gentle as possible to put on the clothes, he didn’t want to stir up Hongjoong from his sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Done!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mingi exclaimed in a low voice, as he put his fist up in the air. Smile etched on his lips as he saw Hongjoong sleeping comfortably. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without waiting any longer, they laid down on the mattress that San and Yunho pulled out, their eyes lingered on the peaceful face that Hongjoong had as he slept. A smile makes it way into their lips as he watched Hongjoong slept, even though they still had worries about their leader, they decided to discuss about the matter for another day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was an eventful night, they hoped that someday Hongjoong would trust them enough to tell them about the trauma he experienced.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>don't point any fingers at me, I only write what I feel on that day...</p><p>If you like it leave kudos or comment...<br/>or, if you didn't like it, leave comment below..</p></blockquote></div></div>
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